The Revelation of Randy the Baptist 1

1 And it came to pass that the Oracle of Montezuma came to me and said, "Thou shalt eat not of the syrup written in Spanish. Behold, it is no longer fit to consume and you shall spew it out of your mouth."
2 I beheld and it was true. The sweetness had left on the twenty-fourth day of the ninth month of the ninety-eighth year of the last millennium.
3 Linda of the Keller tribe had so foreseen, while Craig of the Weeks tribe was sorely mistaken.
4 Indeed, those who assembled our goods for a return to the land of our birth in the first year of the new millennium had packed it, even though its date of safe consumption had passed two years earlier. They had the trash receptacles and carefully wrapped each item already placed in the receptacles, invoking some amount of surprise and jocularity in our household when said items were opened.
5 And there was much rejoicing.